voxygen.net » Humor

D&D Fortune Cookies

~LS~ — Sun, 11 Mar 2012 01:01:20 +0000

At the beginning of the semester I had to give a speech at convocation to the entire faculty, staff, and administration. I chose to speak about why the start of a new semester is like a fortune cookie. Throughout the speech I periodically opened up a fortune cookie, read the fortune, and made a comment. It was a fun speech and people liked it. They are still giving me fortune cookies and making jokes about it. I keep trying to explain to them that I don’t necessarily like to eat fortune cookies, I use them during Dungeons and Dragons. I just like to take the fortunes out and put them on the D&D battle mat. They give me a blank look, shake their head, and shove a stale fortune cookie my way. (Note: All fortune cookies are stale, right?)

So, it’s easier just to show you a picture than to [...]

Alien Monkey Cat and Broom

~LS~ — Tue, 06 Mar 2012 05:50:34 +0000

Let me introduce you to this cat. Her name is Monkey, which is short for Alien Monkey Cat. Some people call her AMC for short, but only on Facebook. She is visiting from another planet and she is residing with me for a while while she spies on us. I have shared her mission notes on Facebook, but now that I’m blogging again, I can use this as an opportunity to spread the word widely and perhaps save the planet from takeover by her species. Be forewarned. They have dripping, venomous spikes in their tails.

Now, just to be clear, the purpose of today’s post is to discuss the equinox broom phenomenon. A meme has been going around on Facebook in which people take pictures of balancing their brooms. Supposedly this feat can be accomplished during the Spring equinox. So, I thought I might try it. My broom [...]

Orly

~LS~ — Wed, 29 Sep 2010 13:43:35 +0000

I know I’m not the only one who has noticed Orly Taitz’s humorous resemblance to the Orly Owl. Still I couldn’t resist pointing it out again since it definitely bears repeating. In honor of my astounding powers of perception, I have made my very first “Orly Taitz Orly Owl” which you can see below!

Maslow’s Hierarchy

~LS~ — Tue, 24 Aug 2010 10:15:38 +0000

This cute take on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs has been floating around on Facebook for a while. It’s been on my computer desktop for a couple of weeks. I’m definitely showing it in class when we talk about Maslow, but it’s just too cute not to post here as well.

Ben Franklin’s Facebook Status

~LS~ — Sun, 04 Jul 2010 18:40:53 +0000

Today’s Times Book Review section has a nicely written, humorous article on Ben Franklin and his Almanac: Ben Franklin is a Big Fat Idiot. The title made it mandatory reading for me given my utter adulation of Al Franken. In fact, the author, Joe Queenan, seems to have as much of a crush on Franklin as I have on Franken.

To his disappointment, Queenan discovered that the Almanac was not nearly as inspirational as he remembered it to be and so he laments the resultant bit of tarnish on Franklin’s halo. His claims that Franklin’s aphorisms failed “the acid test of validity and usefulness.” Take this one, for example: “Keep your mouth wet, feet dry.” Ok, I agree, teh stoopid.

The first thing that came to mind as I read the article was Facebook. Ben Franklin seems to have written down whatever [...]

Email signatures

~LS~ — Fri, 25 Jun 2010 03:13:02 +0000

Lately I’ve been getting a lot of email with a certain type of signature file that cracks me up. Usually the emails are from people in corporate offices, but some people at school have them too. They are wordy, legalistic disclaimers about privacy and liability. They are often difficult to understand and they sound full of it. I know the people who have these signatures attached to their emails usually have no control over their presence. In some cases, though, that’s not the truth.

So I’m taking revenge. I have written my own signature file and here it is:

Caution: electronic email sent through the internet is not secure and could be intercepted by CARNIVORE, Echelon, NarusInsight, Amazon.com, Google.com, or other government or commercial surveillance entities. For your protection, do not send any information whatsoever over the internet. Any information that you do send will be considered the intellectual property [...]

Whoopi and Disney

~LS~ — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 04:25:25 +0000

I adore Whoopi. Ever since I saw her Direct From Broadway show on HBO many years ago. I haven’t seen the 2oth anniversary version, though I would really like to. In the orignal HBO special, her character Fontaine, who is a junkie, goes to the Anne Frank house. It is a profound piece about race and humanity that I wish I could see again.

I was excited to see Whoopi join The View, which is one of my favorite shows to watch when I’m not really watching TV. I was terribly disappointed in her “rape rape” comment about Roman Polanski, for which she’s being skewered all over the net, and deservedly so. Still, I think she’s got an incredible talent for raising people’s consciousness through comedy.

I remember when she was filming in Sister Act and she was at war with Disney over the script. [...]

What Google thinks of me…

~LS~ — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 17:05:23 +0000

Googlism is a fun site that tells you what Google “thinks” about you by posting short excerpts of Google search results on your name (or whatever). Google squelched Googlism’s capabilities by preventing the application from gathering fresh data, so the results are all pre-2004. I’m not really sure why since Googlism seems fairly harmless. Still, it’s fun. Below are some of the Googlism’s for “Laura.” I left out the ones that referred to s*perm, c*cks, and other pr0n references (aww, darn!) as well as some that were pointless.

laura is new
laura is a racist and a total phony
laura is full of it
laura is a big skinny idiot
laura is no hillary
laura is hardly a sympathetic martyr
laura is a sadistic witch
laura is like playing with fire
laura is dangerous

kd lang

~LS~ — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 13:03:52 +0000

I have always loved kd lang. Always, always. I liked her punk-country performance art style from Angel with a Lariat. She caught my eye at some point in the 80s when I was surfing television. Spiky hair, Buddy Holly glasses, and country-western wear — she was a genre-bending artist as much as a gender-bending one. I didn’t really pay attention to her until Shadowland. I played the shit out of that CD. I went through a country phase during my senior year in high school, dating a redneck sort of guy with a truck and a feed hat. It was the Urban Cowboy days when country music became country pop. Somewhere along the way during my Texas days, I did develop a half-assed appreciation for old-time country music. So as country music became more pop, kd [...]

Those Whacky, Peppery, Obama-y Nigerian Scams

~LS~ — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 14:10:29 +0000

I should be getting ready for school, but I’m procrastinating! At least it’s Friday.

I so adore Nigerian Scam e-mail. These people get more and more creative all the time. I still fail to understand why people fall for this stuff, but apparently they do.

The two latest scams I’ve received are

1. I have received benefits from the Obama Foundation to compensate me for being a victim of a scam. Note: The Foundation appears to operate in London.

2. Does this count as a Nigerian Scam? Or is it just a marketing email?

Dear Sir or Madam:

Our company can provide a large variety of brands of dried peppers, crushed chilli, chilli ring, chilli powder, chilli sauce, etc., high quality and reasonable price,.We have adopted a variety of certification, for example,HACCP,FDA,IFS,ISO9001:2000.If you are interested you can contact me.
Looking forward to your reply.Thank you.

Best regards!
Cherry [...]