10 Crazy Things about my Husband
Everybody has their quirks, some of which can be funny and some of which can be annoying. My husband has some strange ones. I’m most definitely sure he’d say the same about me. In all, I find most of them completely charming. Here are some of his more curious behaviors:
1. He likes to take pictures of me while I’m sleeping. I don’t really understand this. They are all the same, a big blob of me with my head sticking out of the covers. On occasion, the cat is above my head. After years of telling him to stop, he finally has. My fear is he will post a whole gallery of strange sleeping pictures of me on facebook. One day I asked him why he keeps taking the same picture. His answer was one of the sweetest things. He said no two are the same. They are like snowflakes. Now I sort of regret getting him to stop.
2. He is a “see it to believe it” kind of guy. If he asks what the weather is, I tell him, but he still needs to go outside or look it up to see for himself. This especially applies to customer service people regarding household business. I can relay the conversation to my husband word for word, but that is not enough for him. He has to talk to them himself and hear it for himself to be satisfied.
3. He loves numbers. He thinks in terms of numbers. It’s endearingly cute. He logs his Fear wins and his movie attendance. Once, when we were at the Labour Process conference, I saw he was doodling. He was obviously calculating something. After I prodded him to reveal what he was doing, he told me he was determining the statistical trends of how many postcards he sent during his Labour Process over the years.
4. My husband has a strange ethical system. Little lies don’t count. His idea of little is not my idea of little. Still, if he believes in something, he doesn’t waver. Here’s an example: He used to play D&D avidly. He has lucky dice. My thinking is that it’s just an experiential thing based on selective perception as to whether or not those dice are lucky. Then he told me that he actually rolled his dice enough times and then used statistics to calculate whether or not his dice came up according to the proper probability. Now, the ethical part: I asked him if he used his lucky dice during games. He said no, because if he knew they favored high numbers, it would be wrong to use them.
5. Speaking of D&D, my husband sees the world through probabilities of success or failure. For instance, if the cat is about to leap up onto something high, he will announce what he thinks the probability is that the cat will succeed. He actually did that all the time until he stopped playing D&D. Not so much anymore.
6. He has an astounding memory for dates. He can tell you what day of the week your birthday fell on in whatever year. If you give him a date in the past, he can tell you something about what he did that day. He celebrates anniversaries of the craziest things. When he does, he goes on and on about the day. For things like his dissertation defense or the day he started his big diet to lose all his weight, I can understand. For things like the anniversary of his first trip to Disney or the precise day that the Rams won the Superbowl, concert dates, not so much.
7. My husband is a collector. He goes through phases of what he collects: Nike Jordans, “throwback jerseys.” When he’s in collection mode, he goes crazy. He tracks items online with fierce concentration and then bids for them. I don’t understand his bidding strategy at all. He camps out on Ebay and dances when he’s victorious. I believe that it’s all about the kill for him. He collects and saves other things too. Concert tickets, concert t-shirts, that sort of thing. He saves strange things, though. He has all the campus phone books for the years he spent at USF and he has all his expired license plates.
8. My husband makes strange noises when he’s excited. I call them his “googly” noises. He trills. That’s the closest thing I can say to describe it. When he watches football, he paces, claps, shouts at the TV, just like the next guy, sure. But the other noises he makes? They’re alien. Really. I can’t describe it. When he plays Fear, he shouts “what the fuck” at three minute intervals. Seriously.
9. My husband is an internet troll. He loves to start arguments on internet bulletin boards. He loves to insult people on those boards. Of all his curious behaviors, this is the one I understand the least.
10. My husband adores Vanilla Ice. There’s not much else to say about that, really.
Like I said, I find all of these cute and charming, occasionally annoying, but mostly wonderful.
